Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I need water and some morals
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
