well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
