It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize