I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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