i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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