Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hippo gnu deer
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
