The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
