I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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