theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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