Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
