lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
