so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
