i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
