How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
