You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
