No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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