Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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