Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
