Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
