i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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