I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
