I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
