i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
