I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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