Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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