Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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