so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
