Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
