you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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