So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
