But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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