She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
