I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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