Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
