i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i think my mom watched the whole time
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
