were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
