i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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