The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's blow job season.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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