I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm too high and old for this...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
