i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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