I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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