if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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