Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize