he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
