Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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