I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize