god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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