I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
