guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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