i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
