the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
