i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
