so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Four minutes until I can fart!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
