Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
