I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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