did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize