Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
