I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize