That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
