I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you had me at cake vodka
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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