when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
