Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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