Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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