im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Me. At least after what I've been through.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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