I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
