marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
