Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
