who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
