found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
