My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
