It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
