I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
